Love and marriage...love and marriage! The bliss of that wedding day when the spotlight is on you. Recently being a bride for as of August 2010, the day was quite different than when 23 years ago as babies entered the relationship. There is no question that the dynamics change from romance and courtship to full attention to the care and development of a child. Working parents face another challenge of finding help for their child, functioning at work after sleepless nights, constant concern for the baby on almost a moment to moment basis. It isn't hard to imagine that there is very little time for yourself, let alone each other.
According to data from Relationship Research Institute in Seattle, conflict between parents will increase within the first 3 years of the child's birth as sex and adult conversation decrease and distance between the two is formed.
Here are some of the issues:
1) Dividing household and baby functions - who is going to be responsible for what? It isn't any different than when hiring a nanny, staff of housekeepers and other household workers. Everyone has to have a clear idea of their responsibilities. Make a list, agree to it and don't get it done.
2) Chemical changes occur in mothers through hormonal changes, nursing, and postpartum depression. These physical changes must be addressed with help from professionals.
3) Women, in particular, tend to throw themselves into the children and forget about their husbands who also need attention. Let's face it, men do not like to be ignored.
4) Attention to your own bodies and good health tend to falter behind your constant focus on the children. Everyone looks fairly fit on their wedding day with great efforts to fit into that dress and suit....but then the weight goes on and time for exercise diminishes. Not just for our spouse, but first and foremost for ourselves, it is never a good idea to let yourself go. Exercise and good eating habits is a way of life that should become routine. It isn't always easy incorporating this; however, maintaining ourselves in good shape and health is important to any relationship.
5) Finances seem to be more of a concern in any marriage, but certainly the expense of a child can exacerbate that discussion. Allocating sufficient funds for clothing, education and well-being of a child is something that needs planning and discussion.
There are numerous people out there that can counsel you through this process. These trained professionals teach you how to discuss a problem without forming criticism, maintain a healthy sexual appetite, and financially plan your lives so that money issues don't tear you apart.
The percentages of marriages that fail is greater with those who have children than childless. That in itself tells you that children are the result of issues between parents that can create a breakdown in communication, intimacy and overall friendship.
It is all about balance - your children, health, physical appearance, intimacy, finances, work and your spouse!
http://www.martaperrone.com
Thursday, April 28, 2011
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