Crossing Boundaries with the Housekeeper

One of the things I teach in my "career development" class weekly to the various housekeepers and nannies is that once you cross that line with your employer, you will find yourself in a position where you no longer can maintain a professional relationship. To keep things in good order, it is important to create and maintain lines of respect in any employment situation. There is this tremendous gray definition of what families describe as "being part of the family". Does this mean that the nanny gets the same benefits as other members of the family? The likelihood is that she is considered to be part of the family until she does something that is unacceptable. So what might that be??? Ok, here are some examples:

*Asking for a cash advance
*Borrowing clothes and jewelry (shame on Schwarzenegger's Housekeeper)
*Forming opinions and imposing them
*Making political and religious statements
*Taking something without asking (even if you think you deserve it)
*Undermining parental decisions
*Taking advantage of breaks, vacation or time off
*Talking about the family to others
*Assuming a role that isn't yours to take (mistress included)
*Showing any form of disrespect

Now on the other hand, there are plenty of household employers who ALSO cross the line. Yes, they are just as culpable and often do it to such a level that it is even more embarrassing and shameful. After all, as employers, they are supposed to know better. Here are those examples:

*Yelling, using obscenities and making a household worker feel belittled
*Not adhering to an employment agreement for things promised
*Underpaying for a job that demands more for its effort
*Thinking that gifts of unneeded items is like giving a "bonus"
*Exposing themselves and thinking that their 'nudist' way of life is acceptable in their home (yes this did happen)
*Deducting wages for room and board when the employee only lives there 5 days (not permanent residence)
*Having sex because "you are rich and powerful" and the housekeeper is not (Dominique Strauss-Kahn as an example)

Shame, shame on all of you. If you want self-respect as an employee, demand it and do not succumb to the darkness of others. If you are an employer, there is a line that cannot be crossed unless you want to find yourself in an ugly lawsuit. As the employee, crossing the line simply can get you fired and in a situation that may prevent future employment.